Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've blown a few things in my day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
