k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
