i think i have two assholes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
