I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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