Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
