What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
