If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
