It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
