I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
People in love make me want to vomit
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
