i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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