I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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