Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize