When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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