So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
