I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I touched a dick in church today
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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