I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize