I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
