i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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