You made me cry and you don't even care
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
