I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
