Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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