the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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