It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize