# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
