hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
