why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
