I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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