i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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