party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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