bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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