btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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