you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can i not drive my cunt home
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Randomize