hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
