so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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