I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
