so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
