morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
