I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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