I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
