yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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