He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
