Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize