Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
