Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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