woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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