I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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