Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
