My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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