So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
