I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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