Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
