i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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