so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
