Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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