its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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