remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
