I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
