"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
