I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
