that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Enjoy the penises
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize