i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
