I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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