Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
