If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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