I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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