Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
