The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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