Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
