Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
