So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
