I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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